Special Needs Reads

Top Parenting Special Needs Blog Award Winner

Jennifer Fiander — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 02:48:00 GMT

Listen up!
This blog was chosen as one of the Top 30 Parenting Special Needs Blogs . Which is an honour, because there are a lot of fantastic blogs out there. Now, I'll have to update it more often!

Freelance writer- specializing in special needs / medical topics for hire!

Jennifer Fiander — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 14:02:00 GMT

Did you know that I'm a freelance writer? yup. It's true...

Are you involved with a special needs or medical related publication or website?
If you're looking for a writer for your special needs or medical related topic (Autism, Angelman Syndrome, seizures or something else), I might be the writer for you!

Check out my freelance writing website for writing samples in my portfolio at ---> www.penofjen.com
And, of course, you can contact me at jenniferfiander@gmail.com

The Quest for an Ice Sledge - a sitting " sled / skate" for disabled skaters!

Jennifer Fiander — Fri, 17 Sep 2010 03:38:00 GMT

A few years ago, I had a great idea- I wanted my son to be able to go on his school skating trips and experience skating like everyone else. The problem? He is in a wheelchair. Traditional ice skates are not an option for him. However, it seems a shame- since we live in a small town with very little to do, but there IS an ice rink beside the school that they DO walk to- that he miss out on a recreational activity he would enjoy. And, there were several kids who went to school with him who had mobility issues or used wheelchairs, who were missing out.

So, my mission became to get our town a few sledges.

What is a sledge? Well, you already know from the post's title- a sled is a sled-type thing with blades. It's a compo sled/skate. They use them for disabled hockey. They use them for recreation. Someone who is capable can self-propel it, or someone who can not (like my little man) could be pushed from behind.

It was going to be my mission- to get one or more of these sleds. I was going to approach the town to see if I could get permission to store and use them at the rink, then had fabulous idea on how to get funding. With a lot of research, I found a small company in Canada who makes them and I wrote to the company. They responded that they were going away for a month to the World Cup.

Then I got stuck. I didn't proceed. I pulled up that email. Two and a half years has gone by since I wrote it, and that was NOT the first time I had thought of doing this project. Two school skating seasons have passed, and I feel guilty because there is no sledge. Well, I'm back onto my mission! Enough is enough! First step- I sent a message to therapists who oversea these children to make sure they have no objections. They're keen on looking at this, once I get more info.

Now I'm stuck again. I need to find some of these sledge manufacturers. Where are they? I keep weeding through Google seaches that talk about sledge hockey (which is painful, because hockey is NOT my thing). If the Google Search Gods lead you to this post, and you know manufacturers, or have any great information on the topic, please send me a comment! I promise to think of you every time I take my son skating.

Upon my research, I found a Youtube video of someone in a wheelchair being pushed around on the ice by another person, "skating". We have done this with my son several times. So, it got me to thinking- is a sledge really necessary? Would it be "different" to be in the sledge? And, the therapist brought up the point about transfers- maybe its best to STAY in the wheelchair? (My little guy can't really assist with transfers).

Which is funny that I was thinking this, because someone responded to the video in a similar manner:

I would like to ask, never have been in a wheelchair, if you spend all day in a wheelchair, being pushed or pushing yourself around, what is the enjoyment of iceskating? is it different to being pushed? do you have less control on ice? or is it just the enjoyment of being with everyone else who's usually falling all over the place? dont want to sound ignorant, but I am curious.

I think that person had a really interesting question. Is it "different", or is it the social aspect of being able to be there, with the other skaters.

So, I added my own question, which I really hope the video poster gets (although its an old video) and responds to:

I'm researching ice sledges, to try to get the town to approve a few for my son & other kids in our area, so they can go "skating" with their peers. I thought the question that (the previous person) asked was a good one- how is the enjoyment level IN the wheelchair, compared to had you been sitting down in a sledge?
We've taken my little guy (who is non-verbal, so he can't tell me about this sort of thing) out on the ice in his wheelchair. I'd love your perspective. Thanks!

Dealing With a Touchy-Feely Special Needs Individual

Jennifer Fiander — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 03:22:00 GMT

A few days ago when I was dropping my daughter off at dance class, I had the experience of meeting a young individual with special needs whom I had never met before. Being in a small town, this doesn’t happen very often. The young man was with a woman (who I had assumed was his mother, but later learned that she was a caregiver). He was a teenager. Very well behaved, a big boy. Needed some prompting and reminding. Spoke well, but it was apparent right away that he was developmentally delayed. Still, it made my heart happy to see him out and doing so well (he functioned far beyond where I expect my own son to ever function).

On his way past me, he made a quick move to grab my hand. His caregiver reminded him gently but sternly that he was not to touch people he didn’t know, and that he had to have permission first. Of course, his action didn’t offend me. I didn’t feel as if my personal space had been invaded, and it was just a simple hand grab. But, I knew the lesson that this woman was helping to teach him. She didn’t realize that I had a child myself with special needs. And most of the kids with my son's disorder (Angelman Syndrome) are themselves very affectionate and will approach and hug strangers, and get in their personal space. (My little guy doesn’t do this, as he isn’t mobile).

I always think in these situations about what the right reaction is, or what to say. There is a little girl at my son’s school who adores him, and who is prone to touching and hugging others. They spend a lot of their day together. I tried to respect how the school teaches the “no touching” rule, but at this point she knows me quite well, so do I refuse a hug from someone I see on a regular basis?

In the case of this young teenage man, he stopped trying to grab my hand when reminded by his caregiver. At that point, I extended my hand in what I felt was an “appropriate touch”, and said “Hi, my name is Jennifer. How are you?” and waited for him to take my hand, which he did. He introduced himself and I chatted with him and the woman for a few minutes before we parted ways. The exchange went very well. Although I wouldn’t have been offended had he hugged me (although he was a big boy, and had he not known his strength, he could have crushed me), I feel I made the right choice in trying to teach personal boundaries and space, and in helping to teach appropriate (& inappropriate) touch with a stranger.

How do you respond when put in these situations of a developmentally delayed child or adult hugging you or touching you, and personal space?

My new "baby": the Canadian Disability Resources Database

Jennifer Fiander — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 04:03:00 GMT

Wanted to share with you my new "baby", something I'm very proud of:

The Canadian Disability Resources Database

This resource stemmed from being asked many, many times for information on how to apply for specific funding, or how to go about doing something. I hope it will become a huge benefit to many, many families & therapists & doctors. Please check it out- and submit your suggestions for the database through the easy to use submission form!
=======

Are you tired of not having the answers you need to live your life?
The Canadian Disability Resources Database is a practical & comprehensive database to assist you with managing your disability, or that of a loved one.

Our free database contains links to information on:

      .future planning
      .mobility equipment
      .travel & transportation
      .medical suppliers
      .modified clothing & living aids
      & more
all organized & relevant to the area you live in!

We invite users & suppliers to contact us to submit their information for our database. Please specify whether the service/product/resource is relevant to a specific province, or nationally.

www.canadian-disability-resources.ca

The IWK- A Comforting Home Away From Home

Jennifer Fiander — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 18:43:00 GMT

My guest post for IWK (children's hospital) blog.

The IWK- A Comforting Home Away From Home

Please leave a comment!

And, I earned my "badge", which I display proudly...

Thinking about my son's upcoming medical care during Haiti's crisis

Jennifer Fiander — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 01:17:00 GMT

My little man will be undergoing surgery in a few days. Not major surgery- he just needs to have his feeding button upsized as the smaller button I had to put in in December keeps clogging every time I give him his meds.

I think about how fortunate we are that we have access to the IWK, the children's hospital for Atlantic Canada. Sure, its still over 4 hours for me to drive there. I'll be tense the whole way there. And, I'm nervous about signing the consent papers. And handing him over. I'll likely cry like I do every time I have to hand him over for surgery. I worry about complications from seizures, and I worry that he just doesn't understand what is going on, and it breaks my heart.

But, the IWK is an amazing place, and we are incredibly fortunate to have the hospital as a resource, and I know he is getting the best care he can there.

Still... I think about the children and adults who survived the earthquake in Haiti, or those in other parts of the world right now who are suffering. Those who don't have access to medicine. We're almost "spoiled" in a way here with our anesthesia and our painkillers, and our specialists & surgeons. All things that we take for granted, because we have always had access to them. My heart breaks for the little children and adults who don't have a hospital to go to, and medications to help them cope with the pain. I will be praying for them.

My Son Cameron- this year's President's Choice Children's Charity Bear

Jennifer Fiander — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 13:02:00 GMT

Since the holiday season is here, I suppose I should finally make an announcement- my son has his own "bear" that is available at stores all across Canada. Pretty cool, eh?

My Cameron & his PC Children's Charity Bear, "Cameron"

Last year we applied for a grant through the PC Children's Charity. They are a charity to which families can apply for funding for things to make life easier for their medically complicated children. At the time, we desperately needed a wheelchair van for our son and we had no idea how we were going to fund one. The PC Children's Charity will grant up to $20,000 towards the child's needs- far greater than any other sort of funding one can apply for.

I'll never forget the day we got the call from our local grocery store's manager (at SaveEasy), who told us that we had been approved for the grant. I was crying, she was emotional... I was sobbing when I called my husband and mother. From there, our community was amazing and held a fundraiser to raise the rest of the money. It was such a beautiful experience. Couldn't get any better than that, right?

Well, several months later I was contacted by a rep from the charity who asked me if they could model their yearly bear after my son. The PC Children's Charity Bear is promoted around the holiday season, and is available in SuperStores, $1 or $2 is donated from the sale of every $10 bear back to the charity. Of course, we thought this was wonderful- what an honour to be chosen to represent the PC Children's Charity! The bear is adorable, and he has a tag attached with a little story about "Cameron" the bear and boy (who has Angelman Syndrome), and how the charity donated the funds so we could purchase a van to make his life and ours much easier. All of the kids at school think it is pretty neat that Cameron has his own bear, and so do I

So, if you live in Canada, pop into a Superstore or Loblaws or SaveEasy, and pick up a bear. The proceeds go to a great cause. You can read more about the charity HERE

THANK YOU PC CHILDREN'S CHARITY! (you saved my back!!!)

{For more info on our grant, and our community's help, please read HERE}

The Career Path of the Mother of a Special Needs Child...

Jennifer Fiander — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 23:07:00 GMT

When I was a teenager, I wanted to be a physiotherapist. Now that I'm older and perhaps wiser, I ask myself why I had this aspiration. I certainly didn't have any direct experience with people with physical challenges. Seems like a bizarre career path for me to choose.

Later, when deciding what to do for university, I had the application papers in hand to apply to study for a nursing degree, or for a teaching degree. I wimped out on getting the vaccinations I needed to apply for nursing school, and I went the teaching route. 5 years later, I had a BA with majors in English and Psychology, and a Bachelor of Education. I was a teacher. And I planned on getting my masters in Special Education.

But there was apparently another PLAN for me...

Fast forward to 11 years later. I am a (non-practicing) teacher. But, I am also a physiotherapist, a nurse. I am a speech and occupational therapist, and a doctor who specializes in gastric issues and seizures. I am many, many things. I am the mother of a child with significant physical and intellectual disabilities.

Is it possible that something inside of me "knew" I was destined to be a physical therapist and nurse? I think perhaps this is the case.

Today, I am the mother of 3 beautiful children. Two daughters- ages 3 and 7, and a little boy, aged 9. I sometimes forget how old my son Cameron is, partly because is small for his age, and partly because he is developmentally so "young". I've embraced the important role I have as his mother, and in helping show society that there is nothing wrong with being different. Although others may see him as "flawed", we see him as a truly valuable human being who adds great depth to our lives.

Having a son with special needs, has taught me much about myself. He inspires me both personally and professionally- he led me on a completely different career path that I had never imagined. Instead of going back to school and "officially" getting my master's degree in Special Education, I started my own business, with products I designed because of him. Even though I don't formally teach, I am still able to educate others about his disorder, Angelman Syndrome, and to make connections with amazing people I would never had met had I not been his mother.

Yes, I admit that I would prefer to not have to deal with g-tubes, and seizures, and trying to figure out where to fit all his specialized equipment in our small home. And, I've already seen enough bodily fluids to last a lifetime. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm enjoying this career that life planned out for me...

Simple Adaptation to a Toy to get it to Stand Upright!

Jennifer Fiander — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 00:12:00 GMT

Sometimes I'm amazed at the simple solutions that parents (or therapists, other educators) come up with. Something so easy, that I think "wow, why didn't I think of that???". But, when a mom I know- a fellow Angelman Syndrome parent- posted a tip today online, I was obviously not the only parent who hadn't thought of it. She received numerous comments from other parents who also thought it was a fantastic idea.

Josh's mom found that her son was having a hard time keeping his toy in an upright position when he played with it.

"All I did was glue the gumball machine to a cookie sheet that I bought at Goodwill for 25 cents. Josh is now able to play with it much more successfully! Before he would accidentally push it over, and the balls would all roll away from him. He is loving it! "

Check it out!

Credit to: JOSHSMAMA on youtube.

H1N1 - to Vaccinate my Special Boy, or Not???

Jennifer Fiander — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 02:48:00 GMT

With all the commotion over the H1N1 virus lately, I had to make up my mind quickly on whether or not I was going to vaccinate my special needs son, and his sisters. Frankly, the decision scared me a bit. I've never been one to rush into things without being educated. However, it is hard to educate yourself when there is SO much information online- much of it not valid. And with so many people having such strong opinions, I felt very torn between the two opposing sides. I had never even gotten myself or any of my children the regular flu shot, so to rush into this vaccination made me uneasy.

My 9 year old has Angelman Syndrome (AS). Many children with AS have respiratory issues when they get sick with colds & flus, and my son is no exception. With him, and his younger sisters (ages 7 and 3), a simple cold settles right into their chest and has led to hospitalizations. They've never been bad enough that I've feared they wouldn't pull through- they just needed some extra oxygen and a little more care, but nonetheless, it is a concern every time I hear that first sniffle, that one of the kids will need to go to the ER at 3am.

Through the online AS community, I've learned about several children with Angelman Syndrome losing their fight with the H1N1 virus. Every time I read it, the fear sets in, and the sadness for their family. I weep, because I can't imagine a life without my son, and my heart aches for them. It has confirmed to me that I made the right choice for our family. We were fortunate enough to get one of the first offering of vaccines in our area. We had to wait 3 hours at my son's school, but all 3 of my children and I got the vaccine. Unfortunately, they quickly ran out of vaccines. (In the next few days to come, priority groups were assigned to make sure those who needed it the most, received it). Yes, we indeed were very fortunate.

I'm still a little unsure about the vaccine. But, my options were to get it, or not to get it. If I didn't get the vaccine for the kids- if I didn't heed the doctors' warnings- and something happened, I would never forgive myself. By getting the kids vaccinated, I can "blame" the medical community if there are any long term affects. I did my research- the children's hospital and neurology department recommended my son get it. And I've made peace with my decision...

Product Review: Seamless Sensitivity Socks

Jennifer Fiander — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 00:58:00 GMT

I was approached by a representative from KnitRite recently, who asked if I'd like to try out their products. Of course, I willingly accepted, and eagerly awaited my samples. They sent me a few pairs of their SmartKnitKids Seamless Sensitivity Socks, claiming that the socks have proven to be beneficial to those in the special needs community.

The box arrived, and the test began...

FIRST IMPRESSION:
I must say, I was immediately impressed with what I saw, before even trying them out. The packaging is fun, bright, and eye-catching. I thought the slogan on the socks is clever and well thought out ("No seams to bugya"- with the friendly bug on the packaging). I also had great communication with the rep from KnitRite, so that created a wonderful impression for me as well.

Seamless Sensitivity Socks from SmartKnitKids

TEST SUBJECTS:
My 9 yr old non-verbal son with special needs & sensory issues (wears AFOs).
My 7 yr old daughter

PROS:
I got my daughter to try the shorter socks, and my son to try the longer socks. Because my son can't speak to give me his opinion on the socks, I relied on my daughter's expert opinion on sock-wearing to give me her review. She really liked them, and found them to be comfortable. They really ARE seamless- I wish I had known about this product 2 years ago when my now 3 yr old would have complete meltdowns for an hour at a time over her sock seams.
The no-seams aspect is FANTASTIC for AFO wearers! Sometimes the seams in his other socks dig into my little guy's feet. These socks were so smooth and snug and easy to wear under AFOs.

I can see how the snugness on the socks would really appeal to kids like mine with sensory issues, or those with autism and other sensory disorders. (I want some for myself). What I particularly like about the snug-ness is that the socks actually STAY UP under the AFOs.

Other perks: I'm forever losing socks. So, I really liked how the socks have the company name on them. It makes it so much easier to recognize them and match them up.

And, the company claims that due to the high-tech fibers, that the socks wick away moisture, and feet will not be stinky. Well, this is a huge issue for me, so I`ve done the smell test. Many, many times. Initially, when I take Cam's hot feet out of his AFOs and sneakers that he's had his feet in all day, they stink. Within a minute or two of airing out, the smell is gone. The other socks? Nope. So, if you have a foot odor issue, I'd definitely consider shopping with KnitRite.

CONSIDERATIONS:
It took me a moment to figure out the sizing chart and how it works (I think I'm just chart-challenged), but once I did, I understood it.
The only real con I can think of is that at full price, I likely wouldn't buy socks for my other 2 girls. I tend to lose socks, so I go as cheap as I can for them. But, for a specialty sock for my son, the price is reasonable, and I would definitely invest the money into buying socks for him- even the longer length ones for over his AFOs.

I definitely recommend checking out the SmartKnitKids Website.
You'll be glad you did!
****************

Where to find the AFO socks:
I had a hard time finding the info for the AFO socks on where to purchase, so I asked the helpful rep, who supplied this info:

Thereis a link below that sells the AFO socks online. Right now, she onlyoffers white, but will be offering more colors soon. Also, customerscan call therawear.com at 866-848-9327 to order. They have all the colored AFO socks, but do not offer them online. Smartknitbrace.com also has a practitioner locator for your readers to find a doctor in their area that sells them.

Remembrance Day is every day: Taking Time to Remember...

Jennifer Fiander — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 01:30:00 GMT

I wrote this originally 2 years ago for Remembrance Day, for another blog. The words remain true for any day of the year. I thought I would share it.
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I'd like to take a moment to thank those men and women who fought for us and our country. Like so many other Canadians, I honour you on this day. But, I also remember you every time I look at my children.

At night when I tuck my children in, I think about what a wonderful country I live in. I look at my son's sweet and innocent face- he is so lucky to live in a place where those with special needs are valued and their lives respected. I know elsewhere he might not have this, and my heart aches for other children who live differently.

And as I tuck in my daughters, and stroke their hair gently- I think about how lucky they are to live in a time and place where girls and women are given rights and freedoms and respect that they deserve.Again, I feel deeply saddened for little girls who have less, and am so thankful for my girls.

I love that my children are blissfully unaware (for now) of how lucky they are.

I am thankful every day for living in Canada. I will always remember the men and women who helped give us these rights and freedoms,especially when I look at those three precious, safe, happy faces.

Thank you

Product Recommendation: Merry Muscles (jumper for babies, or those with mobility issues/special needs)

Jennifer Fiander — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 01:47:00 GMT

Ican't remember how I stumbled upon this. eBay perhaps? I think I waslooking for some type of 'jumper' device for the baby. I figured when Iwas downstairs working, it would keep her busy and in one spot, out oftrouble.

Merry Muscles

A few years ago, I told Santa my interest in this product, and he agreed with me thatit was something our youngest might like, so he brought it for her when she was still an infant. Now, in all honesty, I rarely get time to go down to myoffice to work (most of my work is done in my kitchen), so she reallyhadn't used her Merry Muscles as much as I would have liked. But, whenwe did get to use it, I was very pleased with it.

How does it work? You fasten the Merry Muscles to thedoorway (ours screwed in), where it hangs, and you put them in it tojump around (has very durable snaps).

How is this different than other jumping devices? Well, itwas designed by an occupational therapist for safe positioning. I likehow it hugs the body, which is a BONUS- it's safer because the child can't CLIMB out!Also, you can purchase a doorway attachment so you can move it fromdoorway to doorway. It is also washable, which is great. The price wasreasonable (I think I may have ordered mine new from a store on eBay,not from this particular website).

This company also makes and sells larger versions of these forindividuals with special needs. Of course, I checked into getting onemade for my son, but in his case the cost was a bit pricey, and unless Isell an organ I won't be getting one for him (yet!). I think with his otherexpensive equipment, I ran out of organs to sell. I think I'll see ifmy husband has any he can give up...

It is very cool. Definitely worth printing off the information and asking your therapist about it, and whether or not it would be right for your special child. May also be great for those who crave sensory input.

Do you have a product or resource you'd like me to review???

Jennifer Fiander — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 01:09:00 GMT

I was recently contacted by email by a company. In the email, they asked me if I would mind taking a look at a product that they offer, and perhaps do a review for my readers. They would send me a sample to try with my own son, and I could make an informed review.

Yes, I definitely would consider this. (I used to write product recommendations for my blog when I worked for the newspaper, and thoroughly enjoyed it). I would also consider this for anyone else who has a product or service or resource that is relevant to my readers. If you're interested, feel free to send me a comment or contact me. The product/service/resource should be something that parents or educators that work with others with special needs would find useful. If you want to send a sample, you certainly may make arrangements to do so (but isn't necessary). Please note, if I don't like a product, I'm not going to write a recommendation (sorry, I can't lie!)

As for that aforementioned product, I hope they send it soon, because I'm very excited about it. I can see it being a very useful item for me, and me ordering more for my personal use.

Want to know what it is? Stay tune!

A Special Child Affects Many Other People Than Just His or Her Family

Jennifer Fiander — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 23:23:00 GMT

My girls, ages 3 and almost 7, are signed up for swimming lessons at our local pool. (Well, the 3 year old was until we took her out of lessons- she's too teeny and shivers with cold the entire time). I pack them up every day, and head to the pool that is in our community and I watch my oldest daughter swim. I take Cameron with me, who looks on quietly and contently from his wheelchair. I always feel badly though, because he LOVES the water (one of the characteristics of Angelman Syndrome) and he can't do the lessons. And, even though we have a pool so close that would give him the opportunity to do something (because he is so limited in skills), I can't take them all myself to the public swims because I have TWO non-swimmers, and it isn't physically possible for me. I can't handle the 3 year old when my hands are on him all the time. The odd time I can find another adult to come with us and manage her, we get to all go.

(No we don't have any type of special swimming program here, the town is too small).

I like to reminisce about when I DID take him for swimming lessons, many years ago. And I was just telling someone about it the same day that something else happened, which makes it kind of funny. 5 years ago, I signed Cameron and his sister up for the Mom & tot swimming, where the mother gets in the water with the baby, and they do a play-based lesson. I made arrangements for this beforehand. I took my daughter in, and they offered me an extra instructor to take my son. Well, my son ROARED with laughter in the water, and my daughter screamed because she didn't like the water. People were surprised that the children were siblings from their different reactions. (Guess I volunteered to take the wrong kid in!). Cameron loved those lessons, and I was always grateful that the instructor took him in so he had the opportunity to go.

Fast forward 5 years.

On Friday it was our 10th wedding anniversary. I took the kids to the pool at 5pm for the swimming lesson (where I told a friend the story about those lessons years ago), and then came home and got ready to go out for dinner. We didn't have a babysitter, so we took all 3 kids out to the restaurant to celebrate our anniversary. We got seated, and our waiter introduced himself, then said: "I know this might sound weird, but is your son's name by any chance C?????" (I forget what it was he guessed at- he didn't get it right, but it was close). Then he asked about the Hampton pool, where we live. HE was the instructor that had taken Cameron in for the swimming. He told us how much he enjoyed taking him in, and later told my husband that it was one of the highlights of his instruction days. The guy even remembered that Cameron liked deep pressure, not light touch. Wow...

The really interesting part was how Cameron responded to this young man. Usually Cameron couldn't care less about strangers. He will reach out to us, and give us smiles, but usually does this only with people he knows really, really well. He immediately gave big huge smiles to him, and reached his hand out to his on several occasions when he came to our table. And the young man interacted with him so well; it was really fun to see. I told him that it was unusual for Cam to respond to someone like that- to which he replied that he was very honored.

I wonder if he recognized him somehow- could that be possible? Did he remember what we were talking about? Or did he just sense that this was a very approachable person?

I'm not sure why he responded the way he did, but it was so refreshing to see. And I'm glad he felt honored, because he doesn't reach his hand out for just anyone to hold. But, he can't do it TOO much, or else mama might get jealous

Mom Entrepreneur Award- asking for your vote, please!

Jennifer Fiander — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 02:10:00 GMT

I'd appreciate your vote!

I'd like to put out a plea to all readers out there who stumble upon this blog, to please take a quick moment to vote for me for the Savvy Mom's Mom Entrepreneur of the Year Award.

This award will be won by the mom entrepreneur who collects the most votes. The prize (award money and business services) would be of great benefit in helping me grow my small business, and so I can continue offering great products.

Voting is super quick & easy. You can do so at:
MY ENTRY PAGE
Only Canadians can vote (sorry!), but I encourage everyone to check it out. In my entry, I talk about how I started my small business because of my special needs son (who has Angelman Syndrome), and how he inspired me to start my business.

I very MUCH appreciate your support!

~Jennifer Fiander
Lil' Angel Gifts

Having a Wheelchair Meltdown... -My Child is DISABLED???

Jennifer Fiander — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 03:44:00 GMT

Anyone who has a child who is in a wheelchair or who will someday be considered for a wheelchair can probably relate to the wheelchair meltdown. You know, when your child is fitted for his/her first wheelchair, and you later bring it home. It looks so final, so.... well, wheelchair-ish. I've heard many stories about parents who find this to be a particularly hard time. The realization that their child is no longer a baby, no longer in that stroller stage. Many parents cry about the first wheelchair purchase. (aside from the price of it!)

I didn't really have that issue when Cameron got his chair.

Well, let me back up. Cameron got his first wheelchair quite a number of years ago. He was probably 3 or so. And, it was an emotional time for me, but more so because of how we acquired the chair. This perfect little purple wheelchair was given to us by the children's hospital. It had been donated back to the hospital by a family when their young daughter had passed away. There wasn't a mark on the chair- it had hardly been used. That really hit home with me, and still thinking about it now, I get emotional. But, we used the chair for many years and love the chair, and are thankful to the little girl and her family.

Because Cameron has a habit of sleeping during the day, he needed a set of "wheels" that reclines. The donated wheelchair didn't recline, so we happily used it in the house, but couldn't use it when we were out and about living life, or when he went to school, etc. It was recommended that we get a special needs stroller, and although I first liked it (or thought I did), I quickly realized that I loathed the thing. It reclined (which was good), but it didn't fit through doors (the wheels were too wide), and it was heavy and awkward, and it looked "babyish". When Cameron was 8 and we got his wheelchair van, we needed to upgrade to a wheelchair because the stroller didn't fit onto the ramp to get onto the van.

I was SO delighted with the new wheelchair we got several months ago. It is a Zippie (by Quickie), and it is wonderful. It stears beautifully indoors. It even does better outdoors than the stroller did. It fits through doors! It has wonderful recline options for when he's sleeping. It is just generally very easy to use. When we got this wheelchair- the first wheelchair that he would be seen in out in public, at school, etc- I wasn't upset at all. After all, he was a big boy now, too big for that darn stroller, and he should have a big boy chair. Everyone loved it, and he got many compliments on it. And I was happy.

Until today.

My husband took him into the seating place to get his headrest assessed and adapted. Mr. Cameron has a habit of sleeping in the van, and hangs WAAAAY out of his wheelchair when he does so. We wanted to have his chest straps tightened, and maybe some type of side support for his head. Well, he came home (crashed out in a dead sleep) with some contraption to hold up his head while he sleeps (I didn't like the look of it, but it would only be when he's crashed out, and I admit- I wanted one to hold my head when I napped in the passenger seat), and this awful looking head rest with these big sticking-out side supports.

I was traumatized.

I took the kids to the pool where my daughter had swimming lessons, and I felt really self consious. I didn't want to unload the wheelchair from the van and wait with the other parents and kids. But I did, then I went home and called my husband.

"I don't like it," I said. "I really don't like it. He looks disabled."

Now, I'm surprised that my husband didn't give me a big DUH on the phone. When I told my good friend about my issue with it on the phone, she and I kind of laughed about my reaction and (duh) statement. But, I just don't like it. Somehow, the need for more supports, just makes him look more disabled in my head. Could he look 'more disabled'? He doesn't walk or talk, or use his hands really functionally. We know he understands quite a bit, but he really can't communicate his needs or what he understands to us. Isn't that pretty disabled? Hadn't this sunk into my brain yet?

My son is sweet as a button and I adore him and couldn't imagine life without him. And I know that he is "different", and I'm aware of the challenges he faces and that we face together, but I think I sometimes forget. I forget about reality. I forget about how others perceive him or us. I think that's why when I watched myself on the video I did for the donor's report for the children's hospital, where I talked about Cam and our challenges, I got so emotional. I'm used to telling the story of us, but not used to WATCHING me talk about it. I watched it and was like - wow, she (I) has a child with really significant special needs and medical issues. And I cried. I don't usually feel sad for myself. But, I felt sad for that lady I watched speaking on the video. It was sort of an out of body experience watching myself talk about it.

It's really a very silly thing, because I know that there are people who need tremendous body support who have very fulfilling and eventful lives, and I don't think any less of them, nor do I feel sorry for them. And, I shouldn't worry about other people's perceptions.

But, at the same time, I don't like that head rest, and it WILL be changed.

Now that I think about it, I think I may have figured out part of my issue. Cameron's progression is SOOOOO slow. Almost non-existantly slow. It takes years for him to learn a new skill. For instance, he just started to actually grab a toy and bring it towards him to play with. Took him almost 9 years to learn that skill. Needing MORE support added to his equipment is a step back (even though he doesn't need it when he's awake and sitting upright). It's just plain depressing.

Oh, and not to mention the fact that he looks "more disabled". Yes, I'm a nutbar...

That head rest has got to go!

Bummed... Having a Medically Complicated Child Often Means Giving Up Freedom

Jennifer Fiander — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 17:19:00 GMT

How ironic- I wrote this post a few days ago. And before I even posted it, my friend was telling me about how she is glad she didn't have a 3rd child like she had first wanted, and how she has all this "freedom" now that her kids are getting older. I told her how I had just written about this, and how hard this is for me. Awkward. Should have kept my mouth shut.

I find it funny how people will talk about this, and not have any realization about what this means for me, and the "freedom" I will never have...

Bummed... Having a Medically Complicated Child Often Means Giving Up Freedom

I don't bummed about life with a disabled child too often, because I don't let myself. I try not to think about it, and I just enjoy him. But, when I think about the lifelong commitment of having Cameron, and what it means for my freedom and my own quality of life, it does sometimes get me down.

I'm jealous of my friends who have all typical children when they talk about their lives. They can leave their child/ren with babysitters. They don't have to worry about seizures and gtubes getting pulled out. They don't have to worry that their child can't communicate his or her needs to someone. They just don't have to consider so many things that I have to consider.
But, what really gets to me is the fact that while my friends have children who are getting older and will be able to be left alone, and they have more freedom, I will never have that luxury. I won't be able to get Cameron (my oldest) to watch his sisters so I can run to the store to do errands. I can't leave him in the car unattended. I can't just let him play in the yard like other 9 year olds can, and keep an eye on him.

My friends' children are getting older and they are appreciated their children's independence, and their time is freed up. Mine is not. I thought I commited to being tied to the hip to my children for X number of years, just like everyone else. It's hard when they are enjoying life, and I have to worry about whether I can go, which often means bringing him with me, and whether or not it is wheelchair accessible.

I don't feel sorry for myself that Cameron is my son. In fact, my life is very blessed with him. But, I do miss my freedom, and yes, I admit that it makes me angry and I do feel sorry for what I am missing, and that unlike others with toddlers, there is no end in sight for me.

To Move Closer to the Children's Hospital, or Stay Where We Are/Praying for a Miracle & a Sign

Jennifer Fiander — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 03:58:00 GMT

I have a difficult decision to make, which I'm really struggling with.

We live in New Brunswick, Canada. Myself, my husband, and our children(our special needs son who just turned 9, his sister who is almost 7,and his 3 yr old sister). Our family and the majority of our friends live here, close to us. They are a tremendous help with the girls when we need it, and a huge support to me. Many people offer to help with our son, but he's a complicated little fellow. His feeding tube, and the possibility of difficult seizures- well, they're a little intimidating to people. He also doesn't walk- so he's getting harder for people to lift, and will only get harder. So, while we get a lot of help when we need it with the girls (for instance if he had to go in the hospital),we have very little help with him. Part of that may also be the fact that I don't *feel* as though I can leave him, because our nearby hospital is not knowledgeable in the workings of feeding tube buttons, and how to replace it if it were to get accidentally pulled out.

Recently, we went to the IWK, a children's hospital that is in Nova Scotia, Canada. About a 4, or 4.5 hour drive away from where we live. We went for a scheduled visit for Cameron to put him on the ketogenic diet for seizures. I love the IWK. I love the care they give, I love their knowledge in all things about my complicated little man. We actually lived closer to the IWK when Cameron was very young, but moved back home to be close to family again. Well, when we went back for the scheduled visit, I fell in love all over again. I love the city, I love the province, I love the people. I LOVE the hospital. In NB, I'm the "resident expert" on gtubes.It's scary, and I'm tired of it. I always feel so tied to Cameron, like I have to be close to him, or always able to be contacted by phone should a problem arise. If he were at school and an issue happened,they can't just call the ambulance or the hospital, because they wouldn't know what to do.

So, imagine my feelings when we were at the children's hospital for that week, and I took Cameron to the playroom. There were maybe 8 children total in the room. Besides us,there were at least (that I could see) THREE other children with feeding tubes (they were hooked up for feeds). THREE. My initial response was wow, this is so comforting. A place where we aren't different, and I don't have to explain my situation or anything to these other parents. They "get it". But within 3-5 seconds of my feeling of comfort, I was completely overwhelmed and had to hold back tears. There were THREE other children in the room with feeding tubes.The depth of what that meant was astounding. If something happened- if something happened there, there were TONS of people in that hospital with 1st hand experience with those buttons who could easily deal with it. It wouldn't turn into an emergency situation. It would be dealt with quickly and probably without issue.

The next day I had a meeting with the dietitian for teaching purposes in our room, and one of the Child Life workers came down and asked if they could take my son to the playroom for me while I had my teaching, and I sent him on his way with her. The dietitian asked me if I was a bit anxious about him going. I broke down and cried. The complete opposite, I explained. I can send him with someone and not be with him, and know that he will be ok. I don't have that sense of comfort at home.

Do you know what I would give to be able to go on a date night with my husband, or to go on a trip for work, or go away with friends? I adore my son, and I want to be his primary care giver, I really do. But, I want to feel like there is a backup, someone else who can handle things and so I don't have to worry. I worry about myself and my safety and my life quite often. And not because I don't want to die- but because of the fact that it TERRIFIES me to think that if something were to happen to me, what would happen with him. (That being said, my husband is very good with him, but I do more of the hands-on things with Cam, as he works outside the home). I think about Cam's future often, and that I won't be here to always care for him. Where we live now, and how things are, no one will understand how to care for him.

Our trip to the children's hospital made me want to move back there (closer this time). There is such an amazing community around that hospital. I feel at home there. I really like the city. For the most part, it is more wheelchair accessible. My husband can easily transfer for work, and there are more opportunities for him to advance in the company there that don't exist here. Seems like an easy choice, right?

Not exactly. We have been blessed here. Where we are now (a small community), they have supported us tremendously.People know us here. They know Cameron. His school (kids and staff) are amazing to him. They have bonds with him that would be hard to build somewhere else. Our family is here. I do know from the past though,that I would still come home for visits and spend good quality time with them. But still, I worry about my parents. They are still relatively young, but what will happen when they get older, or if they needed me?

Part of me keeps thinking that I should keep living where I am and fight to make changes here and get things set up ideally for him. But the reality is, I can't make gtube experts appear out of no where who are going to be here the next 50+ years to care for him.

A few weeks ago, I had made up my mind. We were going. I was 98% certain.And we were doing it now, during the summer months, before school started back up. I had already said my "maybe goodbyes" to the school staff (a very emotional thing for me- I cried for days). I told my hubby to hold off on asking work for the transfer because we needed to find a place to live, and that would be a challenge. I was right.

Things have never been easy for our family. Medical bills, insanely expensive equipment, the fact I can't work outside the home, and my husbands knee surgeries. Let's just say we have lots of love, but an over-abundance of money has never been an issue. We've been married for 10 years this summer, and we still do not own our own home (yet). So, we don't have the financial means to just move to a new place and buy (or build as we were hoping to do to work for Cam's wheelchair) a new home. Especially in a place that is MORE expensive to live than here. If we moved, we would have to rent. Of course, there are issues with that. We'd have to rent a house to have the space needed for all his equipment and the 3children. Not only is renting a house insanely over-priced, but he went to look and there is nothing that you can get a wheelchair into.

And then there is the school issue. It takes SO much work to get Cameron moved into a school and get the staff trained and the kids accustomed to him. I told my husband I'm only doing it once. I don't have the energy to do it, then do it again a year or two later. Plus, he needs to get into HIS school and stay there to have any chance of the other kids making connections with him. The issue is, if we could find a place to rent that would actually work, what are the chances we would find a house that works for us to buy later on down the road. Not good odds. So, we're stuck on the living thing.

We tried buying lottery tickets, but that didn't pan out. And none magically appeared, so it isn't looking good for us. It's quite disappointing,as I had done a lot of soul searching, and had made up my mind, which is really difficult for me, and now it can't happen. When we were visiting, we even happened to drive by a house that we all liked that was for sale, and it isn't advertised as such, but it has a ramp on the house. The girls noticed right away that there was something with a lady bug hanging off the house (their fav)and so we all fell in love with the ladybug house. A ramp and the right number of bedrooms and a ladybug. It was like it was meant to be. If only I could sell a kidney to get the down payment...

I guess we're back to living on love and playing the waiting game. I'm not quite sure what the right decision is. I thought I had made it. I thought I had seen all the signs pointing me down that road. Now I sit and wait and wonder what will happen. It's not a good feeling to feel stuck. I await a miracle or a sign to tell me what to do.